Welp, I had a picking relapse.

This sucks, but it makes me even more angry and motivated to keep away from it in the future.

Confession.

I’m about to discuss something that might seem banal to several people, but has actually been a longtime problem of mine that’s been prevalent since late high school. I’ve only told a couple significant others and one or two friends about this secret, and have found that keeping this hidden only makes the problem more of a mainstay. So…here it is.

I pick at my skin. Obsessively. Acne was the first culprit, but then it sort of spread to my arms (I have keratosis pilaris, the “bumpy arm” thing). I’ve gotten better about it in the past couple of years, but before that I had to wear sweaters and long-sleeved shirts no matter what the weather was. I still have a lot of relapses, and although I know it’s a terrible habit, the addiction of it often trumps my mental and emotional will to stop. It’s taken several years to convince myself that even though I’m not slicing my wrists up with a razor, this is a self-harming habit. Not only that, it potentially hurts those around me. My boyfriend absolutely and rightfully hates when I do it, and it makes me hate myself for lying to him about something this trivial. It has a lot to do with anxiety and stress, but what drives me the most crazy is that sometimes, I do it without even thinking. It’s a release for me, in the very worst way. It’s actually very selfish if I think about it hard enough.

This isn’t necessarily a cry for help. I’ve thought about talking to someone about it, but didn’t for the fear of attracting attention to myself or my mom finding out. I figured Tumblr would be a good outlet for me to make my secret known. I do know a fair amount of my Tumblr followers in real life, and although it doesn’t make much of a difference in their lives—the fact that I’ve exposed this habit will hopefully make me less inclined to continue it.

To those of you that read this whole spiel, thank you.

how do you stop a bad habit?

any tips on combatting an incessant OCD tendency? i don’t feel comfortable enough to say what it is, but i’ve been dealing with it on and off for about 5 years. it usually rears its angry head whenever i’m stressed, having a ton of anxiety, depressed…and sometimes it just comes along whenever i find myself absent-minded. it’s a bad, bad habit and i really want to stop this once and for all.